All I can say is that the stink of this bad movie will be on me for weeks . . .
Now, I have said that a movie is a waste of time before, but compared to
House of the Dead those other films kinda seem like masterpieces. Forget the fact that I didn't realize that this was based on a video game originally because normally that will give me the ability to grade the movie on a sort of curve system. I mean video games are what they are and most of the people making movies of video games try to stick close to the plot of the game, right? So a curve is needed because usually they don't have a whole heck of a lot to work with in the first place. Curve or no curve, there is no saving this movie (Really, I shudder to call it a movie, it was just a very long and drawn out commercial for the game). Let's just say that after seeing this movie, I definitely have no desire to play the game and that is a bad sign.
The story goes that this group of kids are all going over to this island to a huge whopper of a raid. A group of the kids, Simon (Tyron Leitso), Alicia (Ona Grauer), Karma (Enuka Okuma), Greg (Will Sanderson) and Cynthia (Sonya Salomaa) miss the boat to the rave and have to charter a fishing boat to get over to it. The charter, captained by Victor Kirk (Jurgen Prochnow) with help from his number 2, Salish (Clint Howard) costs the kids an obscene amount of money. But eventually they catch up to the partygoers who are partying it up on Isle del Muerto (Island of the dead if you don't speak Mexican as Salish points out). Bet they wish they never did . . .
With a weird sub story about Casper (Ellie Cornell) following the boat out to the island because she believes Kirk is smuggling in her port and the strange ability of all of the characters to suddenly become super fighters, this movie was anything but believable. Add to that the whole aspect of inserting flashes of the video game into the movie during fight scenes and the extremely long duration fo those fight scenes and you've definitely got a film with a super stinker alert. And this is before even mentioning why the whole Isle del Muerto supposedly exists.
Horrible, horrible, horrible . . .
As an aside, I think the only thing I remotely enjoyed from
House of the Dead was the character of Liberty (Kira Clavell) and it was only because of her outfit . . .
House of the Dead Movie Cast and Credits
Directed by
Uwe Boll
Writing credits
Mark A. Altman (story) and
Dan Bates (story)
Dave Parker (screenplay) and
Mark A. Altman (screenplay)
Cast (in credits order)
Jonathan Cherry .... Rudy
Tyron Leitso .... Simon
Clint Howard .... Salish
Ona Grauer .... Alicia
Ellie Cornell .... Jordan Casper
Will Sanderson .... Greg
Enuka Okuma .... Karma
Kira Clavell .... Liberty
Sonya Salomaa .... Cynthia
Michael Eklund .... Hugh
David Palffy .... Castillo
Jürgen Prochnow .... Capt. Victor Kirk (as Jurgen Prochnow)
Steve Byers .... Matt
Erica Durance .... Johanna (as Erica Parker)
Birgit Stein .... Lena
Jay Brazeau .... Captain
Adam Harrington .... Rogan
Colin Lawrence .... G
Ben Derrick .... McGivers
Elisabeth Rosen .... Skye
Bif Naked .... DJ
Penny Phang .... Tyranny
Kris Pope .... Raver
Mashiah Vaughn-Hulbert .... Flashing Woman
rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Steven Kriozere .... V.I.P. Zombie (uncredited)
Christoph Nuehlen .... Zombie (uncredited)
Rey Thomas .... Zombie (uncredited)
Anthony Timpone .... Zombie (uncredited)
More House of the Dead Movie Reviews
Review of House of the Dead from RevolutionSFHouse of the Dead Movie Review and Information Page at The Internet Movie Database
