Review - Mortuary

For any fans of the show Six Feet Under, let’s just preface this review by saying - this ain’t the Fisher and Sons’ mortuary . . .

It is much dirtier for one thing. For another, Mom and chief undertaker, Leslie Doyle (Denise Crosby) is not quite as skilled as David (Michael C. Hall) or Federico (Freddy Rodriguez) in the body preparation department from aforementioned Six Feet Under.

But I digress - back to Mortuary. This is a typical story of a family dealing with the death of its patriarch and deciding to move half way cross the country to start a new life. We begin the film on the car ride with Mom and her two kids - older son Jonathan Doyle (Dan Byrd) and little sister Jamie Doyle (Stephanie Patton - boy can she scream!). Seems that Mom has just finished school to become a mortician and has decided to rent an old mortuary in some podunk town.

Unfortunately when they arrive and are greeted by slimy Eliot Cook (Greg Tarvis) there is more wrong with the place than there is right. Leslie, trying to put up a good front for her kids keeps talking about the positives in the house, but to be honest I didn’t quite see any from the beginning. As a matter of fact, if it were me I would have turned right the heck around and told Mr. Cook to shove his lease you know where. But that’s just me . . .

As the family gets acquainted with their new surroundings, strange things begin to happen. Such as an odd black moldy ooze starts to appear on the walls and floors. Also, after Jonathan has a run in with the local troubled teens - Cal (Bug Hall), Tina (Courtney Peldon) and Sara (Tarah Paige) - they seem to go missing after they desecrate the cemetery and the Fowler crypt. The local sheriff (Michael Shamus Wiles) also goes missing after one of his crusades to stop the production of “grave babies” (for those of you who don’t know grave babies are what is created when young bucks take their little ladies to the cemetery and get them all scared which gets their juices flowing. Then they swoop in and seal the deal and about nine months later - “grave babies” appear).

I’ve told you all this without even mentioning the whole legend of Bobby Fowler (Price Carson). I guess you’d just have to watch Mortuary to find out more about that. What I will say is that sometimes a twist ending is just stupid and that’s kind of what I felt about the end of this film. I also thought the special effects were lame and the acting was just not that great.

Although I do have to say that I did quite enjoy the character of Rita (Lee Garlington) but I usually enjoy her because she’s just funny. In this film she plays the owner of the local diner who gives Jonathan a job and encourages a relationship with her niece Liz (Alexandria Adi - who strangely reminds me of Meadow Soprano (Jamie-Lynn Sigler - boy this review is sure full of references to HBO shows, eh?).

Having said all that now to the big question - do I recommend you watch this? I’m kind of torn on that. I found myself enjoying the film in parts but then the ending and other stupidities during the film just kind of pissed me off. So I guess I’ll end by saying that this is not a strong recommend but I wouldn’t say not to watch it.

Directed by
Tobe Hooper

Writing credits
(WGA)
Jace Anderson (written by) &
Adam Gierasch (written by)

Cast (in credits order)
Dan Byrd ... Jonathan Doyle
Denise Crosby ... Leslie Doyle
Stephanie Patton ... Jamie Doyle
Alexandra Adi ... Liz
Rocky Marquette ... Grady
Courtney Peldon ... Tina
Bug Hall ... Cal
Tarah Paige ... Sara
Michael Shamus Wiles ... Sheriff Howell
Adam Gierasch ... Mr. Barstow
Price Carson ... Bobby Fowler
Lee Garlington ... Rita
Greg Travis ... Eliot Cook
Christy Johnson ... Dottie

est of cast listed alphabetically:
Joe Langer ... Coroner
Paul G. Pagnini ... Coroner's Assistant
William Alva ... Biker Zombie (uncredited)