The only thing black about the 2006 remake of
Black Christmas was . . .
. . . the black hole that sucked up that 84 minutes of my life that I will never, ever get back.
So I really don’t need to re-emphasize the fact that I didn’t care so much for this movie. I haven’t actually seen the original 1974 version of this film and from all that I have heard, it is very, very different from what I forced myself to sit through the other night.
A house full of sorority sisters are getting ready for the holidays when they are rudely interrupted by an escaped serial killer (well spree killer actually as Lauren (Crystal Lowe) so poignantly pointed out) Billy (Cainan Wiebe, Robert Mann) who doesn’t seem to realize that he doesn’t live there anymore.
His story is a sick one that they keep flashing back to throughout the film. You almost feel bad for him as they chronicle how he was basically shut up in the attic and molested by his alcoholic mother (Karin Konoval) who became impregnated and gave birth to another freak of a daughter, Agnes (Christina Crivici, Dean Friss). Billy however, gives the family their comeuppance and is shut away in an insane asylum where he tries to escape year after year.
I don’t really get the whole obsession that Billy seems to have with his victim’s eyes. For some reason he seems to think that if he eats their eyes somehow they are part of his family now (a phrase he utters in whispers throughout the movie). I also don’t get Agnes’ reappearance in the film either. I feel like if someone pulled my eyeball out of my head and ate in front of me as well as killing the rest of my so called family, I might hold some kind of grudge against him. Not so with Agnes, but to be fair she did come from quite the dysfunctional (and apparently able to rise from the dead) family.
A lot of unbelievable things take place throughout
Black Christmas which no amount of suspension of disbelief will get you around. I wholeheartedly do not recommend viewing this abomination they call a remake. It almost makes me not want to see the original, almost.
Black Christmas Movie Cast and Credits
Directed by
Glen Morgan
Writing credits
(WGA)
Glen Morgan (screenplay)
Roy Moore (1974 screenplay)
Cast (in credits order)
Katie Cassidy ... Kelli Presley
Michelle Trachtenberg ... Melissa
Kristen Cloke ... Leigh Colvin
Mary Elizabeth Winstead ... Heather Fitzgerald
Lacey Chabert ... Dana
Andrea Martin ... Barbara 'Ms. Mac' MacHenry
Crystal Lowe ... Lauren Hannon
Oliver Hudson ... Kyle Autry
Karin Konoval ... Billy's Mother
Dean Friss ... Agnes - 16 and 22 Years
Robert Mann ... Billy Lenz - 20 and 35 Years
Jessica Harmon ... Megan Helms
Leela Savasta ... Clair Crosby
Kathleen Kole ... Eve Agnew
Cainan Wiebe ... Billy Lenz - 5 and 12 Years
Christina Crivici ... Agnes - 8 Years
Howard Siegel ... Lover / Stepfather
Peter Wilds ... Frank Lenz
Ron Selmour ... Security Guard
Michael Adamthwaite ... Santa
Peter New ... Sanitarium Orderly
Christian Sloan ... Richard Steinmetz
Alycia Purrott ... Candy Striper
Juan Riedinger ... Morgue Attendant
Aaron Pearl ... Bludworth
Peggy Logan ... Nurse
Jill Teed ... News Reporter
Peggy Jo Jacobs ... Weathergirl
Jerry Wasserman ... Medical Examiner
Derek McIver ... Orderly
Evan Adams ... Doctor
Jody Racicot ... Attendant
Anne Marie DeLuise ... Kelli's Mother
Greg Kean ... Kelli's Father
Kent Kubena ... Reindeer
Wendy Buss ... Security (uncredited)
More Black Christmas Movie Reviews
Black Christmas Movie Review and Information Page at The Internet Movie DatabaseReview of Black Christmas from Blog Critics
